There's been a Man vs. Food marathon on TV tonight. I've been ignoring it. My life is sad and gluttonous enough without watching the food version of S&M porn.
The truth is I love Man vs. Food. The real reason I'm not watching it is because I'm too busy participating in my own reality-challenge show. I like to call it Man & Food vs. Feeling.
I don't have distribution, but if you're in my local area you can catch new episodes weekdays at noon and 6 p.m., with specials airing every Friday and Saturday night.
The premise of Man & Food vs. Feelings is simple. Basically, each day at lunch and dinner I team up with whatever fatty, carb-filled plate of comfort that strikes my fancy, and I use it to pile on enough sweet and savory to bury whatever bullshit I'm dealing with that day.
Recent episodes have included:
• The Colossal Club Sandwich of Work Stress and Personal Disappointment Challenge
SPOILER ALERT: With the help of two tacos, a burrito, some fried mac 'n' cheese bites, and a Pibb Xtra from Del Taco, I was able to choke down the dual frustration of my job and the dreams I'm too lazy to chase.
• The Macho Nacho con Failed Romance Cage Match
SPOILER ALERT: I took down a Mexican flavor fiesta of lost loves and romantic misfires. It required a lot of help from my partner, a whole box of Kraft Deluxe Macaroni and Cheese, but we triumphed. I think I won a strip club T-shirt for that one.
• The Buffalo Wing Body Image Challenge
SPOILER ALERT: These body image challenges are always the hardest. Luckily I got through it with a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and a burrito from the grocery store deli counter. There was also a much-needed assist from three episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Man & Food vs. Feelings hasn't been what you'd call a hit (although our DVR numbers are strong, and our average rating on iTunes is respectable), but I'm already working on the spinoff—Man & Food vs. Feelings: Freshman 15. Instead of mowing through a box of Reese's Puffs to defeat the Car Troubles Trio Challenge, I'll be going around to colleges and helping freshman learn to effectively eat their feelings. Teaching the next generation how to pack a full bag of Pizza Supreme Doritos on top of their anxiety is the least I can do. And it would make for pretty great television.
